Porter's Tale

from Actually Not

this chartered bus ride's getting to me
they promised me it only be
'bout half as long
and the man from "midnight cowboy"
he's sitting in the back
and his scent is getting oh so strong
'bout three miles off the highway
there's a hotel
time to see film history
where it was made
stumbling in the lobby
just trying to stretch my legs
an unfamiliar porter
reaches down to grab my bags
he says if you're looking son
then I'm afraid you're jagged

'cuz scarlett never climbed these stairs
rhett never slammed the door
Hollywood had never laid a single
damn prop on this ballroom floor
from the poorhouse down in Suffolk
to the Appomattox county jail
they say you'll be played for the fool
if you fall for the porter's tale

the look of this hotel is getting to me
a man in a bar once said it'd be
'bout twice as long
and the guy I'd seen in "psycho"
he's sitting at the desk
and his stare is getting oh so strong
'bout three men at the front door
there to greet me
told them that a man from there
had sent me here
laughing to themselves they say
oh you must mean levi
sounds like you've been taken son
let me say could he lie
seems that you best turn around
looks like there's no reply

Chorus

porter's tale following my dreams
porter's tale wasn't what it seemed
porter's tale he was putting me on when
I found that the wind was gone

I'd been taken down in richmond
and a bar called the lonesome dove
don't need to spend a fortune
to find cheap motel love
I got taken by a bell boy
a kid I gave my trust
promised me opportunity
and all I got was bust

Chorus

Credits:

Michael Clem, J Fish Music/ASCAP

© 1993